View our collection of Funny Quotes and sayings.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. -Albert Einstein
Never raise your hand to your children – it leaves your midsection unprotected. -Robert Orben
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” -Claude Pepper
Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I’m afraid it did. -Bette Davis
That’s my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard. -Joe Rogan
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is. -Ellen DeGeneres
I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church. -Paul Lynde
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. -Chris Rock
Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. -Robert Orben
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