View our collection of Funny Quotes and sayings.
I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead. -Samuel Goldwyn
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. -Joe E. Lewis
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. -Zsa Zsa Gabor
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. -Laurence J. Peter
My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at? -Margaret Smith
If it weren’t for the killings, Washington would have one of the lowest crime rates in the country. -Marion Barry, Mayor
I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church. -Paul Lynde
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. -Frank Sinatra
That’s my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard. -Joe Rogan
As yet, Bernard Shaw hasn’t become prominent enough to have any enemies, but none of his friends like him. -Oscar Wilde
There’s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you’re insightful about it. -Dennis Miller
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