View our collection of Funny Quotes and sayings.
I’m undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair. -Hillary Clinton
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. -Zsa Zsa Gabor
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. -Joan Rivers
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together. -Oprah Winfrey
That’s my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard. -Joe Rogan
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is. -Ellen DeGeneres
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. -Elayne Boosler
Don’t forget Mother’s Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day. -Jay Leno
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