Phyllis Diller Quotes
View our collection of Phyllis Diller Quotes and sayings.
There’s so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto. -Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. -Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. -Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. -Phyllis Diller
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you. -Phyllis Diller
I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’ -Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. -Phyllis Diller
The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. -Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. -Phyllis Diller
I’ve been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? -Phyllis Diller
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children. -Phyllis Diller
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